the future seriously does nothing but stress me the fuck out. i have maybe a month to figure out everything for college, and i have no idea where i want to go or what i want to do. i mean i obviously want to be successful in whatever i do, but lately seeing my mom and dad struggling so much financially is starting to make me change my mind about everything. i really really really want to do what i love and wake up happy every day and love life, but i’m starting to wonder if i should stick my dreams on the back burner for a while and do something more…safe? i don’t know. it’s just so fucked up that people say you have your whole life to figure things out when you don’t. growing up is bullshit.
i always thought i would be one of those people that ends up doing something great. i’d be somebody who changes the world—someone they make movies about. and now i’m starting to realize that i’m not that great. and maybe i’ll never amount to any of the things that i thought i would.
looking back to two years ago and thinking about all the shit i said i’d never do and the person i said i’d never become and realizing all of the things i hated are what i am now
if only my crush would realize that i am perfect for him because i have a perfect music taste and love good movies and am not too completely misfortunate looking
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? IM ON SEASON FUCKING 6 OF A TV SHOW AND YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN AND FUCKING ASK ME WHAT’S GOING ON? IS THIS A FUCKING JOKE? DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO PAUSE MY MOTHER FUCKING SHOW AND EXPLAIN TO YOU WHAT HAS HAPPENED OVER THE COURSE OF 6 FUCKING SEASONS? YOU SHOULD’VE ASKED ME THAT QUESTION 5 SEASONS AGO YOU DICK THIS IS DRAMA THIS IS NOT A GOD DAMN FUCKING SITCOM THE PLOT DOESN’T CHANGE EPISODE TO EPISODE IT’S A NEVER-ENDING CIRCLE OF ACTION AND ADVENTURE SO YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF
just wanted to tell everyone that i won’t be on for a while. i’m giving my phone (aka my only way to access the internet) to my mom for a while so she keeps it hidden from me. i’ve just become overly attached to it and it’s really sad. texting and instagram and twitter and tumblr have taken over my life and i feel so out of touch with the real world. so i’m disconnecting myself and i’m going to indulge myself with knowledge and bliss without wanting to document every moment of my life for the internet. my goal is to make it at least 3 weeks, although i am going on an academic field trip for 3 days and i’ll have to bring my phone with me, but i’ll only use it to call my mom. well, wish me luck :-)
I’d really just love to be whisked away to a big city. East coast, west coast, doesn’t matter to me. Just any city in the world where I can get lost in a crowd of people any time of the day. Where not a single soul knows my name, and they don’t care.