if only my crush would realize that i am perfect for him because i have a perfect music taste and love good movies and am not too completely misfortunate looking
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? IM ON SEASON FUCKING 6 OF A TV SHOW AND YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN AND FUCKING ASK ME WHAT’S GOING ON? IS THIS A FUCKING JOKE? DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO PAUSE MY MOTHER FUCKING SHOW AND EXPLAIN TO YOU WHAT HAS HAPPENED OVER THE COURSE OF 6 FUCKING SEASONS? YOU SHOULD’VE ASKED ME THAT QUESTION 5 SEASONS AGO YOU DICK THIS IS DRAMA THIS IS NOT A GOD DAMN FUCKING SITCOM THE PLOT DOESN’T CHANGE EPISODE TO EPISODE IT’S A NEVER-ENDING CIRCLE OF ACTION AND ADVENTURE SO YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF
just wanted to tell everyone that i won’t be on for a while. i’m giving my phone (aka my only way to access the internet) to my mom for a while so she keeps it hidden from me. i’ve just become overly attached to it and it’s really sad. texting and instagram and twitter and tumblr have taken over my life and i feel so out of touch with the real world. so i’m disconnecting myself and i’m going to indulge myself with knowledge and bliss without wanting to document every moment of my life for the internet. my goal is to make it at least 3 weeks, although i am going on an academic field trip for 3 days and i’ll have to bring my phone with me, but i’ll only use it to call my mom. well, wish me luck :-)
I’d really just love to be whisked away to a big city. East coast, west coast, doesn’t matter to me. Just any city in the world where I can get lost in a crowd of people any time of the day. Where not a single soul knows my name, and they don’t care.
See there was a tear rolling down my face as I began to write this so I closed my eyelids and let it fall, because if love is blind, then this feeling’s sightless. And me? I’ve been night-less, day-less, restless because of this distance between us, and I don’t mean emotionally. I mean what I feel when you’re not close to me. Because today, you are hundreds of miles away when just yesterday you were lying so adamantly within my arms. I mean lying there like you had something to lose if you moved, like you’d die before you’d choose to move a centimeter away from me. And today you’re back in your home and I’m alone hating it; waking expecting to see your face, your voice as soft as clouds melting behind the sun.
But today, I’ve only got a phone; I’ve got a call that hasn’t ended since you got in your car, turned the key forward, and moved along. I cried twice, you held me like grudges; so long and hard. I felt so much love cutting beneath my skin it was enough to leave me permanently scarred.
And I’ve never felt this way before; never felt so broken, and so empty…so whole and then so half of a person…so no more. So as you slept last night, I wrote a letter to this distance, and it went;
You’ve brought me something proximity could never manage to give me. You’ve brought me love, hope, and faith, but at the same time have managed to leave me empty because every time he walks away he takes my sun with him. And the very next day, the clouds are grey…my insides are as blue as a warm day, yet so sad and filled with gloom. And distance, I hate personification, but if you could feel this, you’d want to rip your insides away from your feelings. You’d want to cling on to the little strands of strength holding you together, and pray that you’re not the bowl that breaks. So distance, please go away.
Please go somewhere new, somewhere where someone needs you, because I don’t want you here. I don’t want you near us, I don’t want you to tear us apart, ‘cause if he goes, he’ll take my heart. So distance, I hope one day you die and burn in hell , and then I can feel his breath ringing in my ears like heavens bells.
And you, you are…
You are the earth beneath the sun bathing in the attention of its heat.
You are the soles beneath shoes kissing the ground with flapping tongue, at every single time they meet.
You are words from a pen leaking onto the sheets of my bed, the margin, indention, and knowledge they spread.
You are a warrior; with everything I’ve ever bestowed upon you, every word I used a sword, every kiss a spear, guarding us from ourselves, our love, our fear.
You fight the world with the light from my eyes. Come on love, continue to shine.
You are love; you are the love I’ve never been able to personify, but only touch, feel and see from a distance.
You are time; the seconds, the minutes, the hours within me… every instance.
Every intuition, every reflex my body holds, every good intention, every road I’ve chosen not to travel… but to make my own.
And sometimes my legs grow tired of walking… So if only for a moment, I’d like nothing more than to rest within you.
…because even in captivity, I allow you to roam ’cause nothing compares to what I feel when you’re gone.
so please Long distance …
leave us alone
Don’t say goodbye to me too fast.